Friday, June 29, 2012

Imagine All the Vampires...


Just for fun, I wrote a parody of the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer and the song "Imagine" by John Lennon. For those who don't know, Twilight is a popular vampire romance with some issues, and "Imagine" is a popular atheist anthem that is disturbing to anyone who takes the time to think about it. Put the two together, and you get... Well, you'll see soon enough. Imagine Edward or any other Twilight-style vampire singing these lyrics.


"Imagine" (Twilight Version)

Imagine you’re a vampire
It's easy if you try
No coffin to hold us
When we kiss life goodbye
Imagine all the vampires
Drinking blood like me...

Imagine there's no humans
It isn't hard to do
We can all suck on wildlife
And never have to chew
Imagine all the vampires
Sharing all the blood...

You may say I'm just creepy
But my books are widely read
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be undead

Imagine no Van Helsing
I wonder if you dare
No need for stakes or garlic
And no one left to scare
Imagine all the vampires
Sparkling like me...

You may say I'm just creepy
But my books are widely read
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be undead


This is obviously a bit different than my usual posts. What do you think of it?


(c) 2012 Jonathan Garner

Monday, June 18, 2012

Book Review: The Book of Sea Monsters

by Bob Eggleton and Nigel Suckling


The title pretty much tells you all you need to know about the focus of this book, so I’ll get straight to the review. As a book of this type should be, it is colorfully illustrated, and for this reason is enjoyable to browse in or read all the way through. The pictures don’t always match the text, but they are always nice to look at.

Instead of setting out to prove the existence of sea monsters, the text gives a fascinating and fairly thorough overview of sea monsters in myth, legend, and purported fact. If you are curious about sea monsters, this book might be just what you are looking for to have fun learning more about them, and it might inspire you to look into more detailed books. However, readers who are looking for an in-depth examination of the evidence for and against sea monsters might be disappointed.

This book is safe for most readers, containing just some scary stuff, a single crude slang word, mild mythical humanoid immodesty, and references to macro-evolution. The only notable mark against it is that a disdainful view of Christianity creeps into the text on a few occasions, but this is ironically somewhat balanced by an endorsement of the general integrity of clergymen.


(c) 2012 Jonathan Garner

Monday, June 11, 2012

Movie Review: Brigadoon


While hunting in Scotland, two rich men from America stumble upon a mysterious village that isn’t on the map. When one of the hunters falls in love with a young woman in the village, his curiosity leads him to find out the village’s secret. It turns out that the village is miraculously protected due to the sacrifice of its former minister, and only seen by the outside world once every one hundred years. The hunter realizes that he must choose between leaving his present life behind to stay in this magical village forever with the woman he loves, or returning to his normal life and never seeing the woman he loves again. As he ponders this choice, a malcontent will threaten the existence of the village, and with it, the woman the hunter loves.

Brigadoon is a colorful fantasy musical from the 1950s that should have been enjoyable for the whole family. The spiritual themes had a lot of promise, even if the theology was a bit murky, but unfortunately it ends up too tainted by Hollywood to live up to the promise of the themes. A supposed innate aversion to marriage by men, a distorted view of love, and various other small issues drain some of the enjoyment from the film. Brigadoon has some of the most brilliant uses of sets that I’ve ever seen, but you may still occasionally notice the artificial backgrounds. Overall, it’s an interesting and fun movie, but felt haunted by what it could have been. The notable content is mild and typical for the era: Some brief violence, immodesty, kissing, and an instance of vague innuendo.


(c) 2012 Jonathan Garner

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Contest Winner: Where Is The Hunter?

I just found out last night that I won the Holy Worlds Photo Manipulation of the Month Contest for April with this picture. What do you think happened to the hunter?


(c) 2012 Jonathan Garner